1.丈夫回家看到妻子与医生正躺在床上。医生说：“别误会，我在给她量体温。”丈夫说：“如果你没有刻度的话，你就死定了。”

2.父亲带儿子去洗澡，地很滑。儿子将要滑倒时，一把抓住父亲的裤腰才没倒下。父亲骂道：“幸亏和我来的，否则你非摔死不可！”

3.一位留美学生探亲回家吹牛：美国工厂技术先进，活猪送进去，推出来的是香肠！其父见其崇洋媚外很生气，说：“我跟你妈更厉害，我香肪推进去，出来的是活猪！”

4.某男久不归，其妻非常难受。一天，他要求妻倒立镜前，她大喜照办。他将自己下巴放在妻子的后背后问她：“我留胡子好看吗？”

5.局长与科长共乘电梯，局长放了一屁后对科长说：“你放屁了！”科长说不是他放的。不久，科长被免职。局长在会上说：“屁大的事都担待不起，要你何用？”

6.一七旬老翁与一年轻小姐***兴奋过度脱精而亡。其家人不服，将小姐告上法庭。法官请法医验尸查明原因。法医验尸后下了一结论：舒服死了！

7.一光棍洞房花烛夜后，新娘艰难地扶着墙出来，说到：“骗子，他说他有三十年的积蓄，我还以为是钱呢!!”

8.一老头乘公交车去***村办事途中问女服务员：***到了没？女服务员回答还没呢。一会儿他又问：到了吗？服务员笑着答道：“糟老头急什么，只要到了我会叫你的！”

9.一小姐吃饭时点了道爆炒鞭花，当夹菜时不慎掉到两腿之间。她大惊地说这玩意真厉害！煮熟了剁碎了，它竟然认出路来！

10.一个男青年在公交车上看到一个美女的衣领开得很低，对戏言“真是桃花盛开的地方啊”。美女听后撩起裙子，说“你还有生养你的地方”。

11.one car driver is always fined, very angry, his wife advised him to name a child after him and hit him when he gets angry; if still not satisfied, then marry his mother.

12.Two history teachers get married and both are second-marrieds; in the bedroom, the woman gives a couplet: “Night raid Pearl Harbor, beauty startled (precise);” the man responds with another couplet: “Two hearts, Germany surrenders (get);” horizontal word: "Second World War".

13.A fool marries without children for half a year; his father-in-law asks if he's doing well or not; the son doesn't understand so his father tells him to use his hardest part of body to push against where his wife urinates at night.

14.Village head drunkenly returns home by mistake lying down in pigsty while asking wife to pour water for him; mother pig oinks three times saying it's enough and village head says "Don't pour more anyway!" stretching out hand touching sow milk laughing cursing "Bought low-quality fur coat again! Even double-breasted!"

15.Eight things you don't understand about your leader: they drink but you don't drink with them； they walk but you ride with them； they talk but you chatter back； they have private matters but you gossip about them；they take a bath but you undress first；they serve food but you turn tables；they play cards but ***。

16.One peasant trades goods with a girl who says bed five dollars chair twenty grass ten bucks; peasant throws five-dollar bill on table smiling said Mr has good style girl said gentleman has good humor while peasant replies "Humor be damned! Grassland costs fifty bucks".

17.On one occasion someone accidentally peed on two tables in the toilet after drinking alcohol and later told friends that this hotel was great as even toilets had two tables set up thereupon others attacked that person punching them while asking why this happened.

18.In an automobile one male passenger collided with another female passenger she got angry saying "You're standing unsteadily despite having three legs" then male waved hands off saying okay no need argue anyway either way it's all mouth for her".