1.丈夫回家看到妻子与医生正躺在床上。医生说：“别误会，我在给她量体温。”丈夫说：“如果你没有刻度的话，你就死定了。”

2.父亲带儿子去洗澡，地很滑。儿子将要滑倒时，一把抓住父亲的裤腰才没倒下。父亲骂道：“幸亏和我来的，否则你非摔死不可！”

3.一位留美学生探亲回家吹牛：美国工厂技术先进，活猪送进去，推出来的是香肠！其父见其崇洋媚外很生气，说：“我跟你妈更厉害，我香肪推进去，出来的是活猪！”

4.某男久不归，其妻非常难受。一天，她倒立镜前，他将自己下巴放于妻子的颈后问妻子：“我留胡子好看吗？”

5.局长与科长共乘电梯，局长放了一屁后对科长说：“你放屁了！”科长说不是他放的。不久，科長被免职。局長在會上說：“屁大的事都担待不起，要你何用？”

6.一七旬老翁与一年轻小姐***兴奋过度脱精而亡。其家人不服，将小姐告上法庭。法官请法醫验尸查明原因。法醫驗尸後下一結論：舒適死了！

7.一光棍洞房花烛夜后新娘艰难地扶着墙出来，说到：“骗子，他說他有三十年的積蓄，我還以為是錢呢!!”

8.一老头乘公交车去***村办事途中问女服务员:***到了没？女服务员說:還沒呢。一會兒他又問:***到了沒？服務員說:糟老頭急什麼, ***到了我會叫的!

9.一小姐吃饭时点了道爆炒鞭花，但夹菜时不慎掉到两腿之间。她大惊地说这是真的厉害！煮熟了剁碎了，它竟然还認識路。

10.one man in the bus saw a girl with her dress very low, he joked saying “真是桃花盛开的地方啊”，the girl heard and lifted up her skirt saying “还有养你的地方”!

11.one car driver was often fined and hated it very much.His wife advised him to name their child after him so that when he got angry, he could beat the child instead of doing something wrong if his anger didn’t subside.

12.two history teachers got married and both were second-married; in their wedding night, the woman asked for an upper line and lower line as follows:"Night raid Pearl Harbor, beautiful woman startled (precious); male cleverly replied with "two times Germany (get) surrender"; vertical script said "Second World War!"

13.a fool married but had no children after half a year.Public father asked his son about work; not understanding what was meant by this question, Public Father told him to use the hardest part of his body against where his wife urinated.The next day, son-in-law reported to Public Father that Son was crazy for trying to break a porcelain urinal with his head.

14.village chief drunkenly returned home at midnight by mistake lay down in pigpen; village wife served water for him mother pig snorted twice Village Chief said "Don't bother pouring anymore! You're being too picky!" He felt around for pig milk and laughed saying "You've bought cheap leather again! It has double-breasted buttons!"

15.eight idioms misunderstood: you don't drink when your superior offers you alcohol,you sit while your superior walks,you talk back when your superior speaks,you gossip about your superior's private matters,you undress before your superior takes a bath,you move plates when someone else is serving food,your superiors tell you off but you just smile.

16.one farmer traded with one young lady who said she would give five dollars on bed twenty on chair ten on grass.Farmer threw out fifty yuan ,young lady smiled saying Mr So sentimental .Farmer said“Sentimental? What's sentimental? The grass costs five times!”

17.someone peed into another person's shoes during dinner party after getting drunk.The hostess scolded him “If I find out who did this I'll kill them!” Then some people rushed into the room pinned down the offender hit him mercilessly.The friend beside me asked why they were beating each other.I explained that someone had peed into our table setting!