霸气超拽的人生经典扎心短语

1.和老婆闪婚，结婚三个月老婆生下了一个可爱的男孩。面对着别人的指指点点，我实在忍不住了就去找老婆理论，别人生孩子起码也要九个月，你看看你。老婆：“我认识你几个月了?”“三个月啊!”“你认识我几个月了?”“三个月啊!”“结婚几个月了?”“三个月!”“一共呢?”“九个月!”“哎哟，还真是这样。老婆对不起，我误会你了。”

2.课堂上老师让同学们用“难过”造句。我小明想也不想就站起来说：“我家门前有一条小河，我好难过！”老师：我更难过！

3.我是一个高冷的人，那从骨子里散发出的高冷气息让我得了风湿性关节炎。

4.你应该喜欢一个能逗你笑的人，而不是我这种经常把你帅哭的人。

5.学校里最可怕的信任就是一个学渣给另一个学渣讲题目，一个敢讲，一个敢听。

6.听新闻说你还有无数想要去的派对，我只好点了点头笑着。我说无所谓，无所谓，我就想说无所谓，心痛我也就无所谓，错过我，你也无所谓大不了你再换一位。

7.都说女孩子生气时把她按住强吻就行了，可是我为什么会被她男朋友打呢？

8.一次闺蜜喝酒喝多了，我把她带到家，她一进我家就拿着我刚买的仓鼠往窗外扔，还说了一句：“去吧!皮卡丘~”

9.当有人把你推倒了，不管多苦多累，也要站起来狠狠地还她一巴掌。

10.my personality is lazy, my hobby is to play, my special skill is to eat, my talent is to sleep.

11.you should like someone who can make you laugh, not me who always makes you cry.

12.leave what you can't keep.

13.my life depends on myself, heaven does not care.

14.those who are too picky about small things are not suitable for love, they are suitable for buying vegetables.

15.drinking the strongest alcohol, being the wildest dog, doing the toughest math problems, jumping the highest building.

16.those who are too stingy with their money will be eaten by others when they die in bed alone at night.

17.ask your future son where his father's direction is now and he will tell you it's up there (pointing to the sky).

18.someone once said that a piglet was as cute as a brick and I thought it was funny until I realized that it wasn't meant as a compliment and that I had been called an ugly name before I even knew what ugliness was because of something so trivial!

19.pig A calls itself "who", pig B calls itself "where", and pig C calls itself "what". one day while i was out walking with them near some pigs in a field,

20.don't worry if people say bad things about me; just remember that i am innocent until proven guilty!

21.i don't mind if people call me names or talk behind my back because i know that they can only do this because of jealousy!

22.i have learned from experience how to deal with difficult situations by ignoring them completely!

23.when someone says something mean about another person or group of people,

24.every time i think about what happened last night during our argument over nothing important but still managed to hurt each other deeply enough for both sides to feel sorry afterwards...i realize how much more we need forgiveness than love right now...

25.maths has failed us all; english won't help either since none of us speak well; chemistry has been forgotten; chinese hasn't been studied properly;

26.after we fought again today without any reason at all except maybe boredom?

27.once upon a time when everyone failed miserably on an exam together...the teacher asked those who thought themselves stupid enough not only once but twice why they were sitting there feeling sorry for themselves instead of standing up proudly saying something brave...

28.one day while playing hide-and-seek among tall trees near home,i accidentally stumbled upon an old hidden path leading deep into these woods which looked familiar yet unknown at first glance..but then suddenly felt compelled by curiosity & fear alike towards exploring further into this mysterious place!!