1.丈夫回家看到妻子与医生正躺在床上。医生说：“别误会，我在给她量体温。”丈夫笑着说：“如果你没有刻度的话，你就死定了。”

2.父亲带儿子去洗澡，地很滑。儿子将要滑倒时，一把抓住父亲的裤腿才没倒下。父亲骂道：“幸亏和我来的，不然你就摔死了！”

3.一位留美学生探亲回家吹牛：美国工厂技术先进，活猪送进去，推出来的是香肠！其父见其崇洋媚外很生气，说：“我跟你妈更厉害，我香肪推进去，出来的是活猪！”

4.某男久不归，妻很难受。一日，她倒立镜前，妻大喜照办。他将自己下巴放于妻子的颈后问她：“我留胡子好看吗？”

5.局长与科长共乘电梯，局长放了一屁后对科长说：“你放屁了！”科长说不是他放的。不久科长被免职。局长在会上说：“屁大的事都担待不起，要你何用？”

6.一七旬老翁与一年轻小姐***兴奋过度脱精而亡。其家人不服，将小姐告上法庭。法官请法医验尸查明原因。法医验尸后下了一结论：舒服死了！

7.一光棍洞房花烛夜后，新娘艰难地扶着墙出来，说到：“骗子，他说他有三十年的积蓄，我还以为是钱呢!!”

8.一老头乘公交车去***村办事途中问女服务员：***到了没？女服务员回答还没呢。一会儿他又问：*到了吗？服务员笑着答道：糟老头急什么，让到再叫我！

9.一小姐吃饭时点了道爆炒鞭花，当夹菜时不慎掉到两腿之间。她惊讶地说，这玩意真厉害！煮熟了剁碎了，它竟然认得路。

10.一个男青年在公交车上看到一个美女的衣领开得很低，他戏言道，“真是桃花盛开的地方啊”。美女听后撩起裙子，说“还有让您养大的地方”。

11.one car driver is always fined, very angry, his wife advised him to name a child after him and hit him when he was angry and if still not satisfied then do it with his mother.

12.Two history professors married twice; in the bedroom, she asked for an upper couplet and a lower couplet: Night raid Pearl Harbor, beauty startled (precise); He cleverly replied: Two dots, Japan surrender (get) ; Vertical inscription: Second World War!

13.The son of the fool does not know how to make money; father asks what he has been doing all day long; son replies that he has been using his hardest part of the body to push against where the wife urinates at night.

14.Village head drunk at midnight returns home mistakenly lies on pigsty, lets old wife pour water for him; sow snorts counting voice saying "not yet", village head says "no need even if you don't count anymore" and feels around sow's milk saying "it's bought fake fur again! And there are double-breasted ones!"

15.Eight big nonsense: Don't drink when leaders toast you； Ride cars while leaders walk； Talk too much when leaders speak； Say nothing about leaders' private matters； Get undressed before leaders take a bath； Switch tables while serving dishes； Laugh loudly when someone plays cards.

16.A farmer traded with a girl who said bed five yuan chair twenty yuan grass ten yuan The farmer threw out fifty saying “you have good taste” The girl laughed saying “that’s great Mr” The farmer said “taste my ass it’s five times on the grass”

17.In toilet after drinking one man told another that this hotel business is good they even set up two tables in toilets so they kept drinking After some time many people rushed into their room pinning down that person beating them Another man asked why they did this Answered by pointing fingers at that drunken man

18.On car one man bumped into another woman she was furious telling three legs can’t stand upright Man waved hands away I won’t argue with you anyway you’re standing or lying are both mouth