1.丈夫回家看到妻子与医生正躺在床上。医生说：“别误会，我在给她量体温。”丈夫说：“如果你没有刻度的话，你就死定了。”

2.父亲带儿子去洗澡，地很滑。儿子将要滑倒时，一把抓住父亲的裤腰才没倒下。父亲骂道：“幸亏和我来的，否则你非摔死不可！”

3.一位留美学生探亲回家吹牛：美国工厂技术先进，活猪送进去，推出来的是香肠！其父见其崇洋媚外很生气，说：“我跟你妈更厉害，我香肪推进去，出来的是活猪！”

4.某男久不归，其妻非常难受。一天，她倒立镜前，他将自己下巴放于妻子的颈后问妻子：“我留胡子好看吗？”

5.局长与科长共乘电梯，局长放了一屁后对科长说：“你放屁了！”科长说不是他放的。不久，科長被免职。局長在會上說：“屁大的事都担待不起，要你何用？”

6.一七旬老翁与一年轻小姐***兴奋过度脱精而亡。其家人不服，将小姐告上法庭。法官请法醫验尸查明原因。法醫驗尸後下一結論：舒適死了！

7.一光棍洞房花烛夜后新娘艰难地扶着墙出来，骂到：“骗子，他說他有三十年的積蓄，我還以為是錢呢!!”

8.一老头乘公交去***村办事途中问女服务员:***到了没？女服务员說:還沒呢。一會兒他又問:***到了沒？服務員說:糟老頭急什麼, ***到了我會叫的!

9.一小姐吃饭时点了道爆炒鞭花夹菜时不慎掉到两腿之间。她大惊：这玩意真厉害！煮熟了剁碎了，它竟认得路。

10.one man in the bus saw a girl's dress was very low, he joked 'it's really a place where flowers bloom'! The girl heard it and raised her skirt to say 'there is still someone who gave birth to you'

11.A car driver always got fined and hated it very much.His wife advised him saying "from now on if you get angry, just punch our child." If you're still not satisfied then screw your mother.

12.Two historians married each other and both were second marriages; after they entered the bridal chamber, she asked for an upper couplet below one,"Night attack Pearl Harbor, beautiful woman startled (precious);he cleverly replied with "two times Germany (get) surrender;"and the horizontal batch read "second world war"

13.The fool married his wife half a year without children, his father-in-law asked him what he did wrong;the son didn't understand so his father said use your body part that is hardest hit against the place where your wife urinates.the next day the husband of daughter-in-law told grandfather:"your son has gone mad! He used his head to hit against a urine bucket all night!"

14.Village chief drunkenly returned home at midnight by mistake lay down in pigpen let his wife pour water for him;mother pig hummed counted voices village chief laughed said" don't pour anyway!" reached out to touch sow milk laughed scolded" bought inferior fur again double-row buttons!"

15.Eight things are not wise: leaders drink wine but you don’t drink leaders walk but you sit leaders talk but you chatter leaders private matters but you gossip leaders take baths but you undress

16.One farmer traded with a woman.Woman said bed five yuan chair twenty yuan grass ten yuan.Farmer threw out fifty said“you have good taste”farmer said“taste nothing it’s grass five times”

17.A person drunk went to bathroom came back told companion “this hotel business is good even put two tables in toilet!”then continued drinking soon many people rushed into room grabbed that person beat them companion hurriedly asked why answered “that guy dares piss anywhere!”

18.In car some man bumped into some girl she was furious saying “you three legs can’t stand steady!”man waved hand saying “alright alright I won’t argue with you either way”