1.丈夫回家看到妻子与医生正躺在床上。医生说：“别误会，我在给她量体温。”丈夫说：“如果你没有刻度的话，你就死定了。”

2.父亲带儿子去洗澡，地很滑。儿子将要滑倒时，一把抓住父亲的裤腰才没倒下。父亲骂道：“幸亏和我来的，否则你非摔死不可！”

3.一位留美学生探亲回家吹牛：美国工厂技术先进，活猪送进去，推出来的是香肠！其父见其崇洋媚外很生气，说：“我跟你妈更厉害，我香肪推进去，出来的是活猪！”

4.某男久不归，其妻非常难受。一天，她倒立镜前，他将自己下巴放于妻子的颈后问妻子：“我留胡子好看吗？”

5.局长与科长共乘电梯，局长放了一屁后对科长说：“你放屁了！”科长说不是他放的。不久，科長被免职。局長在會上說：“屁大的事都担待不起，要你何用？”

6.一七旬老翁与一年轻小姐***兴奋过度脱精而亡。其家人不服，将小姐告上法庭。法官请法醫验尸查明原因。法醫驗尸後下一結論：舒適死了！

7.一光棍洞房花烛夜后新娘艰难地扶着墙出来，骂到：“骗子，他說他有三十年的積蓄，我還以為是錢呢!!”

8.一老头乘公交去***村办事途中问女服务员:***到了没？女服务员說:還沒呢。一會兒他又問:***到了沒？服務員說:糟老頭急什麼, ***到了我會叫的!

9.一小姐吃饭时点了道爆炒鞭花夹菜时不慎掉到两腿之间。她大惊：这玩意真厉害！煮熟了剁碎了，它竟认得路。

10.一男青年在公交车上看到一个美女衣领开得很低。他戏言道，“真是桃花盛开的地方啊”，美女听后撩起裙子说道，“还有生你的养你的地方”。

11.one car driver is always fined and hates it very much.His wife advises him to name their future child after him so that when he gets angry, he can hit the child and if still not satisfied, he can "do something" to his mother.

12.Two historians who are both in their second marriage meet at a hotel.The bride asks her groom for a poem about Pearl Harbor;he replies with one about surrender.Their friends write on the wall:"Second War".

13.A man marries a woman but they have no children after half a year.The father-in-law asks his son what's wrong with him;the son doesn't understand so the father-in-law tells him to use his hardest part (head)to hit the place where his wife urinates.The next day,son and daughter-in-law tell grandfather that grandson is crazy because he used his head to bang against an empty toilet bowl all night.

14.Village chief comes home drunk at midnight by mistake enters pigsty,his wife helps by pouring water for him.Piglet makes sound as if counting,the village chief says,"Don't pour anymore,you're being too cute!"Then reaches into piglet's milk bag and laughs saying,"You've bought me bad quality fur coat again!It has double-breast buttons!"

15.Eight things you don't know how to do well:when your boss gives you wine,you don't drink;when your boss walks,you sit down;when your boss talks,you talk nonsense;when your boss has private matters,you gossip recklessly;when your boss takes a bath,you undress first;when your boss serves food,your hands move around tables.

16.A farmer trades goods with a girl who charges 50 yuan for bed service,20 yuan for chair service,and 10 yuan for grassland service.Farmer throws out 50 yuan and says,”This guy knows how to make people feel comfortable.”Farmer replies,”Comfortable?I'll get five times more.”

17.In the bathroom of an inn,a man accidentally pees on two tables while drunk.He tells others later,”This inn really does business well – even in the toilet!”Everyone then attacks this man in another room,saying “This guy just peed in our VIP room!”

18.On an elevator,a man bumps into a woman;she scolds him saying “You have three legs yet you can’t stand straight!”He waves hand away saying,”Alright alright I won’t argue with you,either way you’re facing upwards or downwards”.